Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Wayne Brady Opens Up About His Depression: 'I Had a Complete Breakdown'

Though we all know Wayne Brady as the upbeat comedian-turned-TV star of shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway? and Let's Make a Deal, the 42-year-old Emmy-award winner is now opening up to ET's Nischelle Turner about his debilitating depression.

Brady admits he has secretly battled with depression for years and describes the harrowing emotions he's experienced. "People are like, 'Wayne Brady's always happy!'" he says. "No I'm not. Because I'm human."

"Having a bad day is one thing, having a bad week is another, having a bad life … You don't want to move, you can't move in the darkness," he explains. "You're like, 'I am just going to sit right here and I want to wallow in this. As much as it hurts, I am going to sit right here because this is what I deserve. This is what I deserve, so I am going to sit here because I am that horrible of a person.'"

The constant self-doubt turned into a vicious cycle.

"It starts this cycle where you tell yourself these lies ... and those lies become true to you," he says. "So, you stick to your own truth you've set up. 'If I am this bad, then why should any of this matter?' I feel at that point, you end up wanting to stop the pain."

Brady reveals he hit rock bottom last June on his 42nd birthday, recalling, "I was there by myself, in my bedroom and I had a complete breakdown … Just go ahead and imagine for yourself a brother in his underwear, in his room, you got snot … and that birthday was the beginning of, 'OK, I've got to make a change.'"

An event that especially hit him hard was the tragic passing of Robin Williams in August, who took his own life after a longtime struggle with depression.

Brady, who knew Williams from the comedian's appearance on Whose Line, tweeted on the day news broke of Williams' death.

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